One Vagina Does Not Fit All

Everybody is free to have sex how they like, of course. This blog post is not designed to advocate one type of sex, but rather to make a suggestion. Rough sex is really not for everyone. I am not an expert but I would like to share my thoughts on the matter purely based on my personal experience.

 

Think of the vagina for a minute. What do you picture? A pleasant soft thing that comes in many shades of pink. It’s delicate. It’s a tight bud, ready to bloom. But blooming can’t be rushed. It’s a slow process that takes care and nurturing. The most beautiful flowers show themselves in spring, when the snow has melted into oblivion, the grass is dewy, and the sun tans or bronzes our skin and warms our backs.

 

What I mean to say is, the vagina is also a flower that only blooms in certain conditions. It tastes the sweetest and feels the dearest when it is treated with care.

 

The first step to pleasing a woman is communication. Ask straight forward (but respectful) questions. Listen with the intention to absorb the information and understand it, not with the objective of responding and dominating the conversation.  It is here that you can find out what exactly a woman wants and how exactly she wants things to go. Upon hearing her desires, decide if you are capable of adapting to them or not. Do you intend to be selfish? If you answer is yes, keep it moving and leave her alone. If your answer is no…

 

Then the next step is practice. Yes practice. Sex is not like learning 1+1. It’s not something you do once and know forever. It’s more like counting stars. It’s an endless process. Today one star will die and you’ll discover another one. The universe begins and ends in places we cannot fathom. It has mysteries to it we have yet to discover. A woman’s walls are the same. They surround a different room with different dimensions, different shapes, different sizes. You never know what kind of place you’ll enter each time. But to find out, you must practice.

 

This requires patience, with yourself and with her. Best to start slow and build up to it. Rushing to shovel yourself into her uterus via her cervix, contrary to popular belief, is not the key to an orgasm for her. It might be for you, but how likely are you to be pleased when a person keeps pushing you off and outside of them?

 

For many women, rough sex is nothing more than a painful experience. As I said, the vagina is like a flower waiting to bloom. In the same way a flower will not bloom outside it’s own time, a vagina will not open and relax outside it’s own time. You have to be calm enough to wait this time out. Trying to pummel your way into a vagina that isn’t ready for you only causes pain and shock, not pleasure. You’ll encounter dryness as well, which won’t be comfortable for you. Also, an unstimulated vagina is kind of cold. What is the point of that? Don’t you like summer warmth?

 

Secondly, even after a vagina is ready, there is the issue of size. You (or your fingers or the dildo you are using) may simply be too big to be rough with a woman. Of course the vagina can stretch quite far out, but everything has it’s limits. Trying to cross them is self serving and, frankly, terrible performance on your part. Be realistic. The vagina is not a bottomless pit. There is actually a place you need to stop. Vaginas are not “one size fits all” products.

 

In the same way that everyone has a certain pace they run at, everyone has a pace they have sex at. You may be sprinter, but others are joggers. You may like it fast and shallow, while others may like it slow and deep. Vaginas are not machines that can change their settings in the blink of an eye. Once you apply this knowledge to your life, you will find more satisfaction.

 

Mutual pleasure is the best pleasure. I’m sure you’ve all heard that sometimes giving is better than receiving right? Well, with sex, that’s very true. There is pleasure derived from seeing someone else enjoy themselves. Nothing at all justifies your selfish thought that only you deserve an orgasm. It’s an equal world we’re trying to achieve. Get with the program.

 

On that note, find balance. Meet in the middle. Switch sides. Change positions. Finding a mutual orgasm doesn’t need a magic spell, only the courtesy of giving a person A platform to create their own ecstasy for a moment.

 

Lastly, be creative. Sexual intimacy is a totally different world. Explore it. Travel to the ends of it. Find advise where you’re comfortable. Flip through the Kama Sutra. Pornography may be your go-to, but it is important to remember that is not the best portrayal of women’s pleasure. Almost all portrayals of heterosexual relations are inaccurate anyway, as they are more concerned with the man. Don’t be fooled by all this. The world has too many people in it for you to be fooled by the lie that anything, especially sex, is supposed to be one way to suit one tyoe of person. Venture elsewhere. As lesbians. They have an 86% orgasm rate. They clearly know the secret. Gay men might be able to tell you something too. To experience what you have never experience before, you must ask peoole who do not look like you. However, do not objectify them. They are human too. We all are. Remember that. Have an open mind, be respectful and do not take these things with discrimination in your heart.

 

Alternatively, there is a YouTube channel I recently discovered, by Seema Anand, that talks about the Kama Sutra, intimacy and pleasure. I’m always struck by how comfortable and hapoy Seema looks, and the feminist in me is empowered at the image of seeing an older woman of colour talking a subject society has decided she is not supposed to be interested in. It’s thrilling! But not surprising. Sex is a happy activity anyway. What’s the point in having it if you won’t experience mutual you and be left lying there on the floor in your backs, gasping for air and having only enough energy to smile at each other before curling up and falling asleep to the sound of each other’s heartbeats? Anything else sounds boring to me. Not so?

 

Get talking, get naughty, and start enjoying!