Astrology has become increasingly popular in our society. We have begun to look to the stars to tell us what the next day will bring, why we had that dream, why we feel this way. We look to the heavens for answers on earth. With the help of social media, we are able to learn where the moon is at any given moment and what impact that will have on us, and so on. The personality therefore becomes as expansive and complex as the universe.
I began my journey as a kid. My grandmother and I would always look for horoscopes in magazines and newspapers. When DSTV used to have them, we would read them on there. She always laughed at how one of Aries’ personality traits was impulsiveness, and always reminded me to look before leaping. A silly little ram she thought I was. And so did I. Until I found out that Aries is actually not all I am already, but who I grow up to become. Astrology is a journey, not the end result. But I learnt this not through my sun sign, but another aspect of my birth chart.
This discovery was made not so long ago. If you have been following my blog for a while now, you will know that a year ago, I left an emotionally abusive relationship. Yesterday I realised it was the anniversary of this brave step, and I thought, well how do I celebrate? I know what you’re thinking. Surely its obvious. An Aries loves to take risks, so the answer is drinking very heavily, right? Wrong. I opened my Youtube and practiced Day 10 of the Home Challenge by Yoga With Adriene. Here’s why.
When I was in the emotionally abusive relationship, I lost a lot of balance. I lost it physically, mentally and spiritually. My emotions could be so easily turned by any horrible sentence he said, and my mouth returned the same level of imbalance by attempting to respond just as horribly. Instead of reflecting on the situation and realising the harm it was causing me, I left my rage get the best of me and attempted to defeat this person. He had to feel the pain I felt. This sounded logical and somewhat normal at the time. But as the days passed, too many tears had been cried, too many headaches had been endured. My mental health became to severely depreciate and I found myself in therapy. It was perhaps here, that I began to take the first steps between the South Node up to the North Node.
The South Node is, in essence, the star sign you behaved most like in your past life. My South Node is in Pisces, a water sign. Dreamy and obsessed with the mystical, never truly present in the physical realm. Pisces are known to have several methods to escape reality, including drinking and other such activities that help one escape their worries and fears. The opposite, the North Node, is always 6 houses away, which in this case is Virgo, and earth sign, more grounded, steady and stable in emotion. In this life, the goal is then to evolve from dreamy Pisces to stable Virgo.
Virgo is ruled by Mercury, and takes on the aspects of this planet that is concerned with the body and with health. In addition, it is a mutable sign, meaning it is one that seeks variety and change. This sign is often found in job positions that involve helping others, and therefore has to learn to transform its dreams into physical talents that help others. The creativity of Pisces here is now turned into more practical skills. The health aspect of Mercury makes this sign more interested in exercise and good diet, as Virgos are often plagued with stomach problems of some sort.
When I was still in that situation, I completely ignored my body and the signs it was giving me to get out. The very first sign I received was, believe it or not, energy. A disturbing energy when something was said, did not sound right and did not feel right. Later it was tension in the shoulders, headaches as I have mentioned, persistent pain in my back. These were more persistent. Much later the stomach problems became more of an issue and I had to go to the hospital for it. The biggest sign for me was, however, a night with almost no sleep and a resulting nose bleed that started during an argument. Very heavy, almost non-stop. I was scared for my body. In that moment, the irrational thought that I may die came to mind. In the morning I was extremely weak. I decided i had to make a real effort to get out.
Three months later, I finally managed to get out and the first thing I noticed, not even a week later, was my back pain had gone. Sometimes my shoulders still felt tense. The trauma was still in my body. But the persistent pain I felt in my spine, somewhere between my shoulder blades had been the worst of all. No amount of massages or rest ever relieved it, until then. I was often nervous and uneasy, but I always thought back to my first therapy sessions where my therapist had taught me about conscious breathing. Everyday, I made a promise to myself to breathe in and out with the intention of healing, and a year later, I have found that it has indeed helped.
Of course there have been hiccups. One will not heal simply by breathing. Early last year I experienced a panic attack, something I had never experienced before. Instead of finding healthy coping mechanisms, I turned back to alcohol for a while. I did my body a disservice, and it caught up with me. My skin broke out and the stomach problems came back. By September, I decided enough was enough and began the journey of looking after myself. All the while I was still reading up on astrology. I was learning each house one by one at first, so knowledge of the South and North Nodes were not on my mind still.
Changes to diet are difficult. The world has a lot of food in it and it difficult to resist them all. While I initially managed to reduce my drinking, but the sweet cravings were a mountain and a half to climb. But as they say, one step at a time. Or perhaps, one bite at a time. October was difficult in that it was getting colder here in England, and remembering to drink clean water instead of warm tea is a daily challenge. November was the same. But finally, with perseverance, I had cracked the code. The last step was a form of exercise. I had decided I was bored of gym a long time ago, so when the uni semester broke off, I started doing yoga. I will not lie and say I did it everyday, but i did it most days. In addition, my education on astrology had broadened enough that I thought I could explore what the Nodes were. I already have a Virgo moon, so I thought surely there must be similarities of some kind, right? In essence, not at all. This teaching finally sunk in the message that your life is indeed a growth journey and not one of stagnation. Your Scorpio placements do not give you an excuse to have unhealthy obsessions, as the stereotype would suggest, and superficiality as a Libra can only get you so far. There is more in your chart and it is important to learn them. While I read the meaning of my North Node, I realise it was time for me to tap into this maiden’s energy and look after myself.
Yoga has a unique way of opening the body. Each pose stretches muscles you were not even aware of, but also shows you that there truly are no limits, unless you create them. If one can out their leg behind their head, are dreams really necessary for escape? You can twist your body into a dream. Sitting or standing on the floor also engages your body and soul back into the earth we were made from. I believe this to be an essential part of reconnecting with the self. Start with where you were created. There’s also something about reaching up into the air that makes you feel like you’re flying. You can reach up to touch the moon while you’re awake. No need to dream at night when you have already travelled across the solar system. The water you drink when you’re done and rested is more refreshing than even the fruitiest class of rose. And when the sun hits your skin when you step outside, a fire in your heart is ignited, even here in cloudy, grey England.
What I essentially mean to say is, for me, healing the soul was difficult, so i started with the body. This is in no way a suggestion that this is the way for everyone, but it was one for me. I had been so damaged that looking inward was difficult, and so starting outside felt easier. But now, looking deeper is less scary. My birth chart is completely waterless, but nevertheless, I have learnt to tap into my intuition and to feel what I feel. I’ve also learnt to pay attention to the energy I feel within me rather than ignore it and act without tact. These are things I never expected to learn through my journey. I assumed I would have a very traumatic year, but instead my 2019 was filled with growth and learning. Who knew I would figure out the basics of each sign of the zodiac of the sign as part of my healing? Certainly not I. and that because healing has no convention to it. Its not linear. It can be as creative as you want it, with paintings, blogs, dance, and song, or as silent as the loving breaths Adriene Mishler tells us to take during our yoga practice.
The journey is completely yours. Take it and own it! You are loved!
Sasha's Space 